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Today, my soon to be 8-year old twin boys played Animal Idol. I must admit it was pretty darn cute. “Cuddles” the big brown bear won and “Blue Puppy” came in second place. While I listened to them play the roles of judges and contestants, I started thinking that there was a lot to learn from watching American Idol.
My one son started off as the “mean” judge, “I am sort of like Simon,” he said. My other son corrected his brother’s misbehaviors every step of the way, reminding him (and the animals of course) that “everyone is good in their own way.” And “trying out for American Idol is really hard; it takes a lot of guts.”
The animals went through some tough moments, moments of heartache. Ah, the pain when “Squeaky Dolphin’s” dream was squashed. “Yellow Duck” hardly made it past his first chorus. In today’s culture, wherein every kid gets a trophy just for playing in the league, rejection is rare. This might be my boys’ first real glimpse of non-sugar coated life.
While I certainly don’t want my kids experiencing the real rawness of this rejection, at least not yet, I am seeing that the parallel process from this show has merit. While one of my sons made sure that none of his animals were “laughed off the stage,” he processed all the related feelings.
We read and talk about “building resiliency” in our youth today, but we work hard to shield them from the very experiences they need to build their calluses. I know that I am certainly guilty of safeguarding my little boys from so many of life’s pains. So for now, I guess the least I can do to expose them to the good, bad and ugly of the world, while also seat-belting them in every which way, is to let them watch American Idol.
Real Women Talking author and psychotherapist, Jennifer Finkelstein, has heard women across the country talking about the ways in which they are part of a “new generation” of women. Jennifer has heard women talk about being socialized to ’want it all,’ and ’have it all,’ in whatever way the ’all’ means for each individual, in a dramatically different way than their mothers and grandmothers. Many women have shared that their mothers were limited to very few career trajectories, and were socialized to be mothers and wives, as their primary life focus.
Today, women are given a different script. One respondent in Philadelphia shared that she was “taught to reach for (her) highest star, and pursue (her) own dreams, without the mere mention of couple hood or motherhood planning.” Many women shared that, before they had children, they truly enjoyed their liberating and empowering choices. But, once children entered into their life balancing acts, choices were not the same blessing, but rather their choices led them into an often crazy-making, stress/guilt inducing life cycle.
Choices are creating a serious, everyday rub because our modern workplaces, fast-paced culture, and our partners are not doing a great job of fully supporting our choices. Too many of us are suffering: operating like a whirling dervish from activity to activity and from work to kids, and back again. Choices will only serve us if others are supporting our choices, free of judgments, free of socialization’s limitations, and with incredible flexibility and co-parenting.
Real Women Talking needs to keep talking so we can figure out “how” we can engage in our choices, without trying to be some kind of super-hero. We are a new generation of women indeed: motivated, smart, educated, conscious, busy, empowered and liberated like no others before us. But without too many role models, we will need to be each other’s champions and cheerleaders. Join our think tank. We would love to hear how you are navigating your choices….
